I’ve been chubby for as long as I can remember. Pictures fill in the gaps that I don’t remember. It seems that it was always this way. I felt comfortable at home, but sometimes people were mean at school. Despite the fact that it was cool to get fast food at school, it was never cool to be fat. Pizza days on Tuesday and Thursday were the best. I got 2 pieces on both days for six dollars a week, which doesn’t count Friday night pizza for dinner. The other three days I’d have lunch from home. Most days, i also managed to have money for the snack machines for aftercare everyday, even though I had snacks in my lunch box. For that, I offer my most sincere apology to the college me, who probably wishes that I would’ve saved all that snack money away for something else. I know I overdid it now, but who knows what I was thinking then. It could’ve been something like “only the cool kids have money for the snack machines”, so there I was buying my snacks.
My tween-teen years seemed to be solely for the purpose of comparing and contrasting. How did I look in comparison to the girls that the boys liked? Eventually, my clothes came from the junior, or even the petite section. My sister is 4 years younger, and it seemed like she wore a 6x FOREVER! By the time I got to high school, my height seemed to straighten out my weight problem, in my opinion. I was sexy. Older guys noticed me in a different way, and that was kind of exciting. Not so much today. Fast forward about 4 years, and can’t stand to to see men acting that way. Cat calling is not the way to attract women! But I digress. College brought good things and it brought bad things, like no supervision, alcohol, and meal plans with more than 1 buffet within walking distance. After a few weeks in college, I had figured out a healthy balance of binging on food during the week, and alcohol on the weekends. I wonder why nobody told me freshman 15 represented 15 weeks of eating without boundaries, 15 weeks of binge drinking, and 15 weeks of stressful, hungover Sunday’s doing homework, and trying to recover in time to do it all over again. You want to know why girls wear leggings?
It’s kind of like another version of these. You didn’t hear that from me though.
So fast forward to to the holidays, when I was fighting off parties, and delicious, poisonous foods right and left. I was doing fairly well, and beginning to see some results, despite some weak moments. Things became easier, and more difficult at the same time. It was easy, because I didn’t really desire the food and drink that I know I shouldn’t have. It was, and still is difficult because family and friends see it as a silly diet. I sit at my desk and cringe when I hear the sound of a soda can or bottle being opened. I feel sadness for those around me who don’t see the harm in just one soda, or have the defeated attitude that everybody dies of something or using the optimistic attitude of “YOLO” to justify doing stupid things.
I was the most popular joke of Christmas dinner. Words like vegetarian, organic were flying around at an African American dinner table, but it was serious to me. Everyone else just thinks about how those items are more expensive. Before facing my family, I felt confident about my decision to live a healthier lifestyle. After dinner, I felt mixed emotions of anger and sadness. I felt angry that my family didn’t understand how serious I am about my health, and that it is their fault that I hadn’t always been serious. I felt sad that they weren’t motivated to help themselves. To give you all a bit of context, I should say that nobody in my family would be considered slim. My brother is probably the most fit, and I wouldn’t even consider him slim. We had a potluck style dinner at our matriarch’s house, so that she wouldn’t have to travel, since she had a stroke in mid-November, and was in the hospital from then, until mid-December. For those who may be wondering, no this was not the first stroke, and honestly I was REALLY worried. Thankfully, she recovered well, although she has slight difficulty gripping things in one hand. I might joke around and call her butta-fingaz sometimes, but nobody really jokes about her state of health, or the fact that she hasn’t really changed her eating habits. It really made me wonder, is this happening to other people out there? I haven’t even reached my goal weight, yet somehow people are making fun of me for TRYING to be healthy. I’m still struggling with ALWAYS making the right decisions concerning my food, but I’m definitely going to get the last laugh, just like my man Leo.
The journey is tough, and with food being mass produced in labs instead of farms, it will only get tougher. Some will be lost along the way, but I WILL persevere! I have goals of walking to 100, and nobody is going to get in the way of that. Truthfully, I want to take all of you with me! #NoFattieLeftBehind I will feel most comfortable in a two piece in my 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. Who knows, maybe I’ll finally get that thong monokini for my 70th birthday! And yes, you WILL want to see it. I’ll be the hottest cougar on the block! Anyways, 70 is a long way away right now, and my trip to South Beach is just around the corner. I can’t afford to disappoint, and neither can you! Don’t be discouraged by those who don’t understand your mission. Just be there to help when they finally decide to get on board.
This Fat Girl has officially Gone Healthy!
Have you experienced childhood obesity? Were you out there taunting fatties? 😞
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